mental illness or Madness: A Life

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Title: mental illness or Madness: A Life

Published:: 30.09.07

Category:: mental illness or Madness: A Life

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Marya 01.10.07.07 / 9am

Hey all,

This new thread remains to be formed and explored. I’ve got this new memoir coming out (Madness: A Bipolar Life) in April, and I expect people will start getting interested in talking here about it and the issues it addresses when it comes out. But if anyone wants to get on and start a conversation about bipolar or other mental health issues, go right ahead. My only request is that, for the time being, you refrain from looking for/starting a real support group here. There are some great online support groups for BP/MH people, and if you’re looking for that kind of help or community, those will be much more helpful to you than this. But have a stab at it.

Marya
Shelbie 02.10.07.07 / 9pm

I cannot wait until Madness:A Bipolar Life comes out!!
I am so excited to read something new from you!!

xoxox
Shelbie 02.10.07.07 / 9pm

P.S.

This month in our school newspaper [The Chronicle], this girl Karen is doing a Teen Confessions Issue about Bipolar teenagers, cutting, and eating disorders.

I am really nervous about it coming out, seeing as 2/3 of those are me. I recommended to her to cover COE also and she asked me if I knew anyone with an eating disorder.

I blurted out ‘me’ and landed myself with an interview. It went well, even though I was shaking from nerves. I’m staying anonymous though

“/
heidi 05.10.07.07 / 3am

hi : )

its so nice to see pictures of you Marya after reading your book “wasted” quite obsessively all those years ago.

look forward to the new book. thanks for having the guts to write these things. : )

love heidi
Shelbie 05.10.07.07 / 9pm

That was a crazy video! Even more crazy, was that it was
all true.

I went to campaignforrealbeauty.co.uk and i really like what they are doing.
Aven 07.10.07.07 / 4am

Hi Marya :o)

I loved ‘Wasted’, so I am really looking forward to reading your new book. Having both an eating disorder and bi-polar myself, I am really interested on your experiences too. It’s great that you have the courage to write about something so personal, taking a chance and putting yourself on a limb. Thankyou for that.

Kind regards,
Aven
Penny 08.10.07.07 / 2am

Marya —

I cannot wait for your next book to come out. I of course own Wasted, and my poor copy … I need to replace it, but I love seeing how used my current copy is. Plus, I’ve gone through and highlighted parts that really stick out to me or that I really relate to. I also own the audiobook … and love that with every bit of my heart as well!

I also own The Center of Winter. I purchased it when it first hit the shelves. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to finish it yet … as my mind has been in all sorts of places, and focusing on reading has been difficult, and I am determined to get through it. Your work is always incredible.

And as far as the newest one to come: I simply cannot wait. I love your truth & honesty in your writing, not to mention how you write with such eloquence. I know this will be an amazing memoir as well.

You truly are an amazing woman Marya! And so many of us look up to you, whether you’re doing good or bad at the time being. Because I know, as with most individuals who struggle with an ED, we all have our good times & bad times … and setbacks, and sometimes even times needed to be inpatient. Regardless of what you’ve gone through, and continue to face on a daily basis … YOU ARE SO STRONG! And I look up to you so much!

Take care of yourself! Much love, Penny.
Jodie 09.10.07.07 / 4pm

after privately battling depression since childhood, i just found out about 2-3 years ago that my mom was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder when she was younger and her mother also displays bi-polar symptoms. when i went back to my college’s counseling center (the first time i went for depression, not knowing my family’s medical history), they told me i was too young to be diagnosed. so i’ve been trying to deal with it on my own and i just married a man who is perfect for me and who has helped me through my tough times. Marya, i already connected with you in Wasted and in your blog, so i can’t wait for this book!!!
Shelbie 09.10.07.07 / 6pm

Sorry about the video comment; I put it in the wrong place.
kimiko 10.10.07.07 / 2pm

I’m so excited for your new book to come out! I fell in love with your writing when I read Wasted. I carry that book with me EVERYWHERE (and I today just bought a new copy, so I now own the UK Edition and the American Edition) as a reminder that there is more to life than Anorexia and that I too have a purpose here on this earth that is worth way more than a single obsession.

You’re writing is so honest and so well written that people can automatically relate to you and relate so well to the situation, and seeing it on paper just helps the thought process and helps to sort through the mess.

I’m definitely marking down in April that this book is coming out! I have a friend who was just recently diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, and its such a difficult for everyone and I’m hoping this book will give insight for everyone to understand better, including myself, just like Wasted offered insight for people into “my world”

Don’t stop what you’re doing Marya. You’re making an incredible difference in the world!
orangepeacock 13.10.07.07 / 8pm

Huzzah! Marya, you must be thrilled to have this book finally coming out, after working on it for so long. I’m excited to read it. I hope when you’re promoting, you’ll book a stop in Washington, D.C. so I can come see you. I missed you the last time you were here for…ED awareness month, I think. I remember reading “Wasted” when it came out almost ten years ago and reviewing “Center of Winter” just before it was released. I’ve seen some of your work in periodicals and I’ve just loved watching you grow as a writer. I’ve admired your writing for a long time, and the way you make a point of communicating with your fans. I hope you’ll consider swinging through Busboys and Poets or somewhere near here so I can tell you in person. Congratulations, again, on all your hard work.
Hannah 14.10.07.07 / 10am

Hey Marya,

I just wanted to say well done on getting this published! This too must have been no walk in the park to write.

Personally, I have been suffering with mental illness since I was 8. They take many forms as I guess they normally do.

Take care,
Hannah x
Mike 14.10.07.07 / 10pm

Can anyone else pinpoint their earliest experience with any sort of mental disorder or illness? be it eating, anxiety, ocd, whatever. The main reason i ask this is to ascertain information about personal experience to compare with the assertions of the proponents of the Stolkholm Solution.
Marya 15.10.07.07 / 3pm

Welcome to all, and thanks for getting this one started. It will take its own shape. Say, Orange P., I think the book you’re referring to as taking FOREVER is Center of Winter. Madness took a pretty average two years. Center of Winter was a monster and I’ll tell the ghastly story one day. But you’re a hero for following my career, and if indeed they bring me to D.C., I’d love to say hello and thanks in person. My tour schedule will be up as soon as I have it…

Side note: Jodie, whoever told you you were too young to be diagnosed should find a new line of work. See a well-regarded psychiatrist and get an experienced and educated opinion.

Mike, good question. As anybody who picks up Madness will read, my first dabbling in the weird like corners of crazy were when I was a little bitty person, earlier than my eating disorder. As I discuss in Mad.s, I believe that several of my legion addictions were in part expressions of bipolar. I’ve heard so many stories over the years, and read so much more, that I’ve begun to have a pretty visceral understanding of the vast range of experiences of mind and mood, and the infinite expressions of the brain—an exquisite thing about which we really know so little, but which we have been trying to understand since the dawn of time. Mental illness is many things, difficult and painful to be sure, at times, but also something that can teach a person a great deal about reaching for peace and finding it. Let’s have stories from people who are finding ways to be content with the mind they have…

Peace,
m
Mike 15.10.07.07 / 9pm

It’s a very humbling, but also very instructive experience to grasp, at least philosophically, the present model of understanding of the brain, mind and consciousness. That we can imagine and theorize about the origin of consciousness is amazing in and of itself. Hell, that we can simply imagine anything is pretty amazing. And then Im left weighing that incomplete understanding of our physical brain and conscious mind with our incomplete understanding of the world and universe around us. I mean, we can only describe roughly %7 of the universe. And on the whole thats only because its the bright stuff. All the rest of it is eerily termed “dark matter” and “dark energy”. And without even taking into account the befuddling quantum world, for which we must simply discard our standard model of physics, we are left with simple descriptive terms to explain %93 of the universe we live in. Makes me always put stock in the inevitability of massive paradigm shifts. I feel exactly the same way about mental disorder in that there are bound to be some rather shocking paradigm shifts in the future scientific endeavors that set out to understand the mind and consciousness (disordered or not).

Some find that kind of seemingly overwhelming inadequacy to be unsettling and difficult to come to terms with. Im much more inclined to celebrate the triumphs of modern scientific inquiry, be it in understanding the mind or the cosmos. I find life in all forms to be a rather humbling contemplation.

Ill stop now.
Amanda 18.10.07.07 / 8am

Ooh gosh, I was so excited to find this website. I’m really looking forward to the new book coming out. It’s already on my Amazon wishlist!! I’m thinking and hoping that it’ll be another book that I read in one sitting and then pass on to my mother, she seems to “get me” more if she reads books I read and can relate to…
Shelbie 24.10.07.07 / 9pm

i wish marya would come to el paso, texas
Celia 25.10.07.07 / 4pm

I can’t wait for Madness to come out this April. I’m sure it will be a great success and (most importantly) will help many people find their voices, like Wasted did with so many of us. I think bi-polar disorder (like ED’s) are an extremely taboo topic here in America, and these books, ones that take an extreme amount of courage and strength to write, will help our society begin to accept these horrible, repressed diseases and will make the victims feel like they are not alone.

Marya, come to Chicago!!!
~Celia
Jacqueline 27.10.07.07 / 5pm

I, too, am very excited about the new book. And, before I forget to mention it, also about the new website!

Anyways, I am pretty sure you won’ stop by here in The Netherlands, but Im definately going to read the book. Hell, im SO excited..I can’t even sit still while typing this.

I have been wanting to tell you how amazing, interesting, and whatnot Wasted was and is to me. (Plus, it helped me improve my English, too!) Sometimes..I pick it up and flip it open randomly..and start reading again. Anyways, Im sure you’ve heard it all a gazillion times before..So I’ll keep it at that.
Marya 30.10.07.07 / 8am

Hello all!

Celia, it’s entirely possible I’ll hit Chicago; Jacqueline, tell a publisher there to buy foreign rights to Madness, and I’ll surely get on a plane to the Netherlands. Have only been there once (on tour for Wasted) and was stunned, actually, by how TALL everyone was! Giant! My publisher, who practically had to bend over to hear me shout up at him, seemed to be a fairly average height. It was wild. I mean, I’m short, but not THAT short. Ok, pretty short.

A thought: people tend to vary in whether they call people with metal illness “victims,” “sufferers,” or sometimes “survivors.” (Actually, there’s a movement of people who call themselves “mental health consumers,” as opposed to “bipolar/depressive/schizophrenic/etc. people” or “the mentally ill.” What are your thoughts on that?) I myself definitely don’t feel like a victim; and while, I admit, sometimes I feel like I suffer because of my illness, it is not the primary feeling I have. I think suffering is an occasional part of being alive, and I don’t experience suffering as much as I experience, basically, having a rough patch or a crappy month or something like that. I always want to say to people who say I “suffer”" that actually I do pretty well, and that it’s just the way it goes. But “survivor” always feels a little weird to me. Don’t know why, totally. I don’t feel like I’m bravely soldiering through some righteous battle; I feel more like I’m just trying to keep body and soul together like the next guy, and I do pretty well, considering.

Fall coming in. Beautiful here, but I’m really feeling the change in light…anybody got a plan for how to keep the brain healthy through the winter months (besides, obviously, meds)?

Be well,
M
allison combs 30.10.07.07 / 8am

hi marya i cannot wait for your new book to come out! bi-polar runs in my family, as well as other ed, s/i, etc….i am currently in a dual diagnosis program and this is the first time i have found a place to deal with all aspects of my stuff. do you ever come to dayton? hugs to you and take care.
allison combs 30.10.07.07 / 9am

watch funny movies, spend time with loved ones, hmmmm…what else? anything you enjoy. i get bummed a lot in the winter too…my birthday is the 19th of dec. so why should i be bummed? i am still alive and have two wonderful kids….and meds.
Jen 01.11.07.07 / 3pm

Hi Marya, First, I love the new website and blogsite. You look amazingly beautiful on your website picture. Second, I was very excited to read that you have a new book coming out! I e-mailed Lindsay Hall at Gurze Books and she said she would contact Houghton Mifflin to try to get Madness… included in their 2008 catalogue. I hope you will be making a stop in NYC during your book tour! Don’t do B&N; come to Shakespeare and Co. in the Village! Or, better yet, to NYU and give a talk; maybe the College of Nursing (of which I am a student) would sponsor it. Let me know if you would be interested in such an endeavor (i.e., speaking to future nurses). Take care, and thank you for writing one of my favorite books of all time!
toeknuckles 01.11.07.07 / 9pm

Hi Marya.
I’ve had mental illness as a part of my life since…I don’t know, actually. Since I was tiny. I was diagnosed at 12, but my parents and doctor felt pretty sure it had been going on since I was a toddler even.
I feel that that makes it hard for me to “suffer” from mental illness.
It’s just part of who I am. It be like suffering from being tall, or having brown hair. It’s just a wayward bit of me I’ve had to attempt to learn to deal with.
And I guess one day I’ll get there. At least the journey is interesting.
I guess for me it changes from time to time - today I might suffer from mental illness, tomorrow I might wallow in mental illness, day after I might merely “experience” mental illness.
And sometimes, just sometimes, I think that I’ve been enjoying mental illness since I was young.

As for keeping the brain healthy in winter months - can’t really help you, I’m afraid. I’ve yet to master it at any time of year! Though I can say this: small dogs and cats. They help everything.
Mike 02.11.07.07 / 5pm

from: http://www.mindhacks.com/

“I found this quote from Charles Dickens on the first page of Samuel Barondes’ book Mood Genes. It is both sage advice and reassuringly optimistic.

To lighten the affliction of insanity by all human means is not to restore the greatest of divine gifts; and those who devote themselves to the task do not pretend that it is… Nevertheless, reader, if you can do a little in any good direction - do it. It will be much, some day.

Dickens himself was no stranger to mental distress. Despite being recognised as one of the greatest writers of his generation, he reportedly suffered severe bouts of depression.

Unfortunately, Barondes’ book doesn’t mention the source of the quote, so if anyone knows which of Dickens’ works it comes from, do let me know.

UPDATE: An answer gratefully received from crabbydad. Grabbed from the comments:

Apparently, the quote is from “A Curious Dance Round a Curious Tree,” an essay written by Dickens after a visit to St. Luke’s hospital, a hospital for the “impoverished mentally ill.” You can find more info here.
As well as the commentary linked to above, the full text of Dickens’ article is also available online here: http://www.lang.nagoya-u.ac.jp/~matsuoka/CD-Dance.html“
Mike 03.11.07.07 / 9pm

http://consc.net/online/

great resourse for free online papers on consciousness from scientific and philosophical perspectives. got to love the internets and “the google”. :p
Marya 04.11.07.07 / 11am

Say, Mike, my webmaster sent me a thing saying I had to approve a post of yours (citing a couple of books), but wouldn’t let me approve it. Post again, pleez.
Mike 04.11.07.07 / 2pm

Well, its the post that I can see just above yours, but perhaps Im the only one who can see that as it has a note in italics at the top saying “Your comment is awaiting moderation.” :]

Ill post the text first and then the links in a second post since I can only imagine that they are what triggered the response from the webmaster.

“I found this quote from Charles Dickens on the first page of Samuel Barondes’ book Mood Genes. It is both sage advice and reassuringly optimistic.

To lighten the affliction of insanity by all human means is not to restore the greatest of divine gifts; and those who devote themselves to the task do not pretend that it is… Nevertheless, reader, if you can do a little in any good direction - do it. It will be much, some day.

Dickens himself was no stranger to mental distress. Despite being recognised as one of the greatest writers of his generation, he reportedly suffered severe bouts of depression.

Unfortunately, Barondes’ book doesn’t mention the source of the quote, so if anyone knows which of Dickens’ works it comes from, do let me know.

UPDATE: An answer gratefully received from crabbydad. Grabbed from the comments:

Apparently, the quote is from “A Curious Dance Round a Curious Tree,” an essay written by Dickens after a visit to St. Luke’s hospital, a hospital for the “impoverished mentally ill.” You can find more info here.
As well as the commentary linked to above, the full text of Dickens’ article is also available online here:”
Mike 04.11.07.07 / 2pm

The text is from http://www.mindhacks.com/

and the full text of the Dickens article is found here: http://www.lang.nagoya-u.ac.jp/~matsuoka/CD-Dance.html
Mike 04.11.07.07 / 2pm

ok, it was the links because i got the same message again. Ill just add a “A” to the url and then people can just copy paste and remove the letter.

Ahttp://www.mindhacks.com/ is where the article came from and Ahttp://www.lang.nagoya-u.ac.jp/~matsuoka/CD-Dance.html is where the full text of the Dickens article is found. Hope it works. :]
Mike 04.11.07.07 / 2pm

Ok, its definitely the links. Ill just leave the http://www. part of the url off and remove the dot from in front of com and html.

the original article came from mindhacks com

and the rest of the Dickens article can be found at: lang.nagoya-u.ac.jp/~matsuoka/CD-Dance html

hope it works this time. :]
Mike 04.11.07.07 / 2pm

Egad. They’ve all been approved apparently. :p
Shelbie 05.11.07.07 / 2pm

Hey Marya.

My friend Karen is writing a story about self-mutilation for our school newspaper. I read that sometime around when you wrote Wasted that you tried to kill yourself.

I was just wondering if there is any sort of information regarding that subject that I could get from you? I understand that it is really personal, so if it’s not alright than I completely understand.

Stay strong,
Shelbie Ponder
Shelbie 05.11.07.07 / 6pm

I apoligize for the mix-up.
Mike 06.11.07.07 / 3pm

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/06/science/06tier.html?_r=1&ref=science&oref=slogin

Great article about cognitive dissonance showing that even capuchin monkeys rationalize the irrational.
Mike 11.11.07.07 / 5pm

from mindhacks.com:

ABC Radio National’s All in the Mind just had a programme looking at both the neuroscience of meditation and its increasing use in evidence-based mental health treatments.

Key aspects of meditation are increasingly become adopted into well-researched mainstream cognitive therapies.

Essentially, it’s Buddhist mindfulness meditation, repackaged to make it sound more palatable to a wider audience, and often included alongside more traditional approaches.

The two big players in the psychological treatment field at the moment are Mindfulness-based CBT and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

Mindfulness approaches seem particularly useful for people with chronic or relapsing symptoms, such as severe relapsing depression, rather than for first-episode or acute conditions.

For example, a key study published in 2000 found that mindfulness-based CBT had a beneficial effect on people who had three or more relapse of depression, but not people who had experienced two relapses or less.

The idea is quite different from cognitive approaches, where clients are encouraged to identify, evaluate and retrain their problematic thoughts and behaviours.

Mindfulness instead encourages people to be fully aware of these troublesome thoughts or sensations, but not to engage with them.

In other words, clients are encouraged to develop a degree of separation from their thoughts and emotions, so they can experience them, but not feel that they are fully controlled by them.”

relevant links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindfulness
http://www.mindfulness.net.au/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acceptance_and_Commitment_Therapy
http://www.abc.net.au/rn/allinthemind/stories/2007/2082342.htm
Diana 16.11.07.07 / 5am

Marya… do you ever come to the Colorado area?? Anywhere even near it perhaps? This would be a good place to tap into people a little. Just wondering.
Diana 16.11.07.07 / 5am

Oh and I hate mental illness. I have depression, anxiety, some aspects of bipolar disorder, borderline-personality disorder… whatever the hell that means anyway… and my brother is majorly bipolar with “psychotic features”. He’s a tempermental jackass and frankly I think my anxiety is a big result of his temper… I mean how could it not be?? Not entirely or anything but a good part. Whatever… just remember “you label me, you limit me”.
Erica 19.11.07.07 / 6pm

Marya–
I cannot express within the confines of this box what your work and writing has meant to me. I have been such a fan since wasted and when i heard that you were coming out with another memoir, i echoed screeches of excitement. I know Madness will be an amazing book, and i cannot wait to read it!

Some questions for you: 1.) Why did you decide to write it? 2.) Did you write it from your home or while traveling? 3.) Was it easier to write than your other books? 4.) Does the book leave off from your life after wasted? 5.) Are you still struggling with your eating disorder, or is your primary struggle bipolar? 6) How has your life changed because of bipolar?

Anywhere we can go to get an excerpt?!!
Marya 24.11.07.07 / 10am

Hey all,

Whoosh, what a couple of weeks. Work pouring in all at once for some reason, and of course my brain chemistry was like, Wheeeee! Fantastic! Late nights! No sleep! Let’s get MANIC! So of course I had to put the lid on my head and sit on it. No going anywhere for you, brain. I said. You sit still. It settled down all right, and, kick ass, I didn’t crash. This mental illness management thing really rocks. Funny how my life isn’t always sprialing out all over the place. Love it.

So how’s with all of you? Someone asked it mental illness was genetic: hell, yeah. Very. Most people with mental illness have clusters of other mentally disordered people in their families—not always the same diagnosis, but others. Who knows which genes say, Ok, THIS family gets it! Screw that anyway. But genes just are that way. You often see a lot of alcoholism in families with mental illness in them.

And on that: just FYI. I hear a lot of people sneaking in little comments about drinking too much on these boards. Alcoholism and substance abuse problems have hugely high rates in people with mental illness, especially in people with bipolar disorder. This seems not to be just a matter of self-medication, but of a genetic relationship between those two disorders (MI and substance abuse).

Hey Erica—good question about what’s the primary struggle right now. Bipolar, by far. It’s a daily thing. But I’m not going to say it’s a daily “struggle.” Some might say it is. To me it’s just a fact of the day, like diabetes or any chronic illness. You have it, you do what you need to do to manage it and live without it always interfering. Sometimes it sucks Sometimes it really really sucks a lot. But there it is, you know? There it is.

Hats off to everyone keeping on keeping on. And keep speaking up.

Peace,
Marya
Mike 26.11.07.07 / 11pm

Marya,

High five for honing your managerial skills so nicely and not crashing. Its really encouraging to read something so sincere about that process. My author friend with bi-polar(and narcolepsy!) has described his initional response to the variable increases in work load in much the same way you do. Which is where its important to remember the narcolepsy since he’d maybe get 2 to 3 hours sleep at times when he’d be working full time and going to school full time. Observing his ability to laugh at that is priceless. That was 7 or 8 years ago and now in the past few years he’s found that attending his group therapy and capping his work load has allowed him to manage. He comes across with this almost slightly disappointed modesty, but he’s easily the happiest I’ve ever seen him.

Its really great to see you post again. Especially with such a positive attitude and all the encouragment.

:]
allison combs 27.11.07.07 / 6pm

hey mike, how are u? i am finally managing the anxiety again…going to get a referral soon for long term treatment…appt. tues. what does your friend write? i am thinking of writing of my own experience….hope u are well!
Mike 30.11.07.07 / 7pm

Im pretty good. I’ve been climbing all week. The weather has been so unseasonaly dry here so all the rock has been perfect to climb on. A bit cold, but once we get moving its all right.

My friend is a swim coach and he writes for swim magazines, but he’s working on a book right now. Its going to be a comparitive study of 4 different swim clubs around north america, so he’s going to be travelling quite a bit to get his material. He’s rather fond of Kay Redfield Jamison’s books on bi-polar and has always told me that he’d lend me his copies of her books…but hasn’t yet. :/
cat 03.12.07.07 / 8am

Mike - I bought a book recently called ‘The Gift’, which is about the link between bi-polar and creativity. It’s by a guy named Lewis Hyde, but for some reason it’s linked inextricably in my head with Kay Redfield Jamison. I’m convincing myself that she maybe wrote the introduction, but I can’t honestly remember. I’ll have a look when I get home and see. It’s excellent, anyway. Beautifully written.
Mike 03.12.07.07 / 8pm

great article on exactly what the term ‘psychopath’ actually means. http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=what-psychopath-means
Marya 05.12.07.07 / 11am

People!

Ach, mental illness and creativity. A quandry as it has always been. I’ve got so many thoughts on this matter, frustrations with the glorification of poetic “madness,” awareness that indeed lots of people with MI are creative and work in the arts…this month there’s a website posting a dialogue I’ve been having with another artist (visual) about the role of mental health in making art, and I’ll post the link when it goes up. I’ll be so interested to hear what people have to say. Sometimes I think I resist the idea on principle; sometimes I think I resist it because I hold with those who believe their mental illness, whatever supposed insight it gives them, more substantively detracts from their daily ability to create and write than it does contribute to their work. What’s the mind doing up there, when the structures and the chemisty of the brain misalign and misfire? Why does that lead to a desire to make something? Does it even do that? I never know. Maybe none of us will. But even as a theme, it’s age-old, and worth talking about for as long as we still wonder about the mind. Which, I say, is the only thing we really wonder about—besides the heart.

A passage from Madness, loosely on this subject:

“How do we know who we are or what we can become? We tell ourselves stories. The stories we tell are we know of ourselves. We are a creation, a product of our own minds, a pastiche of memory, dream, fear, desire. My memory looks like a child’s collage, or a ransom note, incomplete and full of holes. All I have is today, this moment, to work with. I am writing my story as I go. I am inventing myself one moment, one experience, at a time.”

Maybe that’s how we all do it. Maybe that’s how it should be. I can only guess.

Love,
M
Mike 07.12.07.07 / 2pm

NY Times article on perfectionism:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/04/health/04mind.html?_r=2&adxnnl=1&oref=slogin&adxnnlx=1197058114-SZSIdCKrYSPaKdpEASpimw

anyone who has something to say about this please don’t be afraid to leave a comment.
Mike 08.12.07.07 / 10am

Shelbie,

Has the article been printed yet?
Shannon 08.12.07.07 / 1pm

Hey Marya,

Will you be in the Columbus area on tour? I’d love to hear you speak.

Thanks,
Shannon
Shelbie 09.12.07.07 / 8pm

Mike, which article?

We’ve had a few out that I have mentioned before. The eating disorders story came out, a bipolar story came out [maybe Marya would be interested?], and the story on self-mutilation is almost ready for posting.
chiara 10.12.07.07 / 11am

I’ve got wide gaps in my memories since I had had an eating disorder for 5 years whereas for the last 2/3 years I’ve abused alcohol. I usually do binge drinking once a week, which is not uncommon here in Italy. Actually, some of my friends binge twice or more times a week, and has no memory related problems. Nevertheless I do not remember a lot of things and sometimes others tell me what I’ve done or said. Not funny. Probably this is due to the sum of brain-damaging effects deriving from eating disorders, alcohol abuse and depression. Who know.
Anyone has memory problems like these?
Any advice? Any self-help book on that matter?
allison combs 11.12.07.07 / 8am

hi chiara, i am dealing with the same three issues. i have done many stupid things as a result of my alcohol abuse….things i do NOT remember and have been very ashamed of finding out….i am awaiting a bed date for alcohol treatment. this will be the second time for me to do this….if i don’t i will die from it or ed or both. get help before it is too late. find someone to talk to, go to AA, lean on sober people that support you….after i get out for this i have to go to counseling for my ed/depression. there are alcoholics anonymous books….12-steps and all that. go to your bookstore and in the self-help books you will find them. hugs to u!
Mike 11.12.07.07 / 10pm

Shelbie,

Are any of them available for me to read?
Mike 12.12.07.07 / 11pm

Marya,

In regards to your last post, I think it’s really easy to take what you are saying about creativity and apply it to what we call imagination and perhaps even more loosely with the idea of consciousness. It’s hard to talk about the brain/mind without taking into account its biological characteristics, even when discussing things like creativity that naturally seem so intangible. I’m not trying to diminish how genuine the connection between creativity and mental illness is, it’s more that I’m trying to examine the biological reality of creativity in the same way that I would examine the idea of the evolution of language in early humans. Each has a rather significant connection with how we became what we call consciously aware. And I can’t help but think that since consciousness/self-awareness is such a recent event as far as evolutionary developments go, that it might explain some of the reasons why so many people presently deal with a disordered state of mind.

“a pastiche of memory”

That’s a rather beautiful way of putting it. Makes me wonder what memory would be like without a language to create the experience of communication. Which reminds me of an article I read talking about how apes and humans are the only animals to use gestures as a way to communicate and that these gestures in early apes may have played a fairly substantial role in the development of the earliest languages.

“sometimes I think I resist it because I hold with those who believe their mental illness, whatever supposed insight it gives them, more substantively detracts from their daily ability to create and write than it does contribute to their work. “

Well said. Its nice to know how honest your perception of this is. Makes your work seem all the more valuable for its insight. And I think a similar point is basically self evident in respect to the many troubled artists who’ve lost their sense of self to suicidal thoughts and, sadly, to suicide. Clearly a detraction one is hard pressed to weigh against any concurrent creativity.

And thanks for the sample of ‘Madness’. I can’t wait til I can read the whole thing.

:]
Shelbie 13.12.07.07 / 8pm

Mike,
I have them all here, but they would be too long to post here lol.
When I decide where to put them, i’ll post the link
Mike 14.12.07.07 / 12am

Sweet. I can’t wait to read them.

:]
Mike 14.12.07.07 / 7pm

http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/the_tls/article2960112.ece

“Novel thoughts:

Neuroscience is helping us to understand how art works – and it may offer us a way out of narcissism.”

This is an excellent article. Very relevant to whats been discussed here lately. Check it out.

:]
allison combs 15.12.07.07 / 9am

hi kelsey…about the assessment..a lot of therapy places do them…or like any crisis center. askyour therapist if he/she thinks you need one or your doctor. it runs in my family as well…hugs to u and take care!
Rachel 15.12.07.07 / 9pm

hey mike!
i havent been on for ages and i’ve missed it
just checking in to say im still alive
what have u been up to?
Mike 16.12.07.07 / 11pm

Hi Rachel,

Its great to hear from you. Best news Ive had all day is that you are still kicking and screaming. :]

As for me, well, I’ve been pretty distracted with climbing up until just recently. Now the rains are back in full force. Quite a bit of snow and freezing temps too. I have been taking tons of photographs lately, though. Bought a new polarizing anti-reflection filter for my wind angle lens which is freaking amazing. Almost lost it the first day I used it too when I was on the beach taking shots of the sun going down.

What about you? What you been doing lately? What are your plans for the holidays?
Rachel 17.12.07.07 / 9pm

mike!
hey thats awesome… i didnt know ur a photographer
i always wanted to take a photography course but never got around to it… and i definitely dont have any time now…. some day someday
im going to orland for the the weekend to visit my best friend… and im spending the rest of the holidays in cincinnati by family cant wait…. a nice treat away from all the treatment shit …. i’ve been in IOP for the past 2 months and its HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL (i dont think i stressed that enough ;p)
what about u? what are u doin with all the time on ur hands?
Mike 19.12.07.07 / 11pm

Rachel,

Its nice to know that you are going to get some time to relax with some family and friends over the holidays. You deserve it. :]

And I hope that you can take some solace from that rest that might be able to stick with you when you go back into IOP. I know it sucks to deal with, but its something that can help you. I hope you don’t lose sight of that because of the drain that i can put on you. And I know that you already know these things, but I thought it might be worth mentioning as a reminder from an outside source.

Here are a few of my pics. Hope you like. :]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v186/Mackle/DSC_00411a.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v186/Mackle/DSC_0151b.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v186/Mackle/DSC_0120A-2.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v186/Mackle/DSC_0116a.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v186/Mackle/DSC_0160b.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v186/Mackle/DSC_0042a.jpg
cat 20.12.07.07 / 7am

Ohhh..Mike, those photos are beautiful. I especially liked the last one - that owl looks like he’s sizing you up! And the fish one as well…the contrast between the fish and the leaves works wonderfully.

I’ve always wanted to take a photography class. Maybe I’ll get round to it this coming year!
allison combs 20.12.07.07 / 10am

hey mike you take awesome pics! wow wow wow! thanks for sharing those.
Mike 21.12.07.07 / 1am

from mindhacks:

What a difference a friend makes:

It’s a big glossy website with lots of smiling people promoting an intervention for mental illness. Surely, drug company marketing you think? Actually, it turns out to be a US Government initiative promoting the importance of friendship in mental health and recovery from mental illness.

In the medical literature, friends and family are described as ’social support’ and we know that social support is one of the biggest protectors against mental illness and one of the best predictors of recovery.

It’s probably one of the best studied aspects of mental health, and we know it has a significant impact on physical health as well. For example, it’s clear from the depression research that social support has a positive effect in a wide range of people and situations.

There are resources about different types of mental illness, tips for helping people you know and information on getting further advice and support, all very well presented with video and audio as well.

Largely because you can’t make a profit from love and friendship, you don’t see it promoted much, despite it being one of the most effective factors ways of combating psychiatric disorder.

Hopefully, this website is part of a larger campaign to get the word out. Bravo!

http://www.whatadifference.org/

Its stuff like this that makes me glad that I keep talking to all the people that I do. And I’ve always seen it as an opportunity to share the benefits of love and friendship and that that is about as important as anything when it comes to being human and healthy. I really believe that the new site will help that happen for even more people in more ways than I can imagine. Call me an optimist.

:]
Mike 21.12.07.07 / 1am

the last part after the link is me talking. should have included some quotation. my bad

:p
Mike 21.12.07.07 / 1am

and thanks to both allison and cat for the kind words. it means a lot.
allison combs 21.12.07.07 / 6pm

rock on brother! any time…we all appreciate your support as well!
cat 22.12.07.07 / 3pm

Mike, you are absolutely welcome. I love, love, LOVE real, genuine, good photography, and yours is definitely real, good and genuine. So there!
Rachel 22.12.07.07 / 7pm

WOW! the photographs are awesome mike!!
where did u take them?
must be beautiful there
happy holidays everyone!
love rachel
Mike 23.12.07.07 / 12am

Thank you again. It means a lot to hear that from each of you. :]

Its Squamish, BC. Thats where I live. Coastal area where large rivers rush down from the mountains to feed into the ocean of Howe Sound. Its also home to a giant blob of granite known as The Stawamus Chief that I climb on and around as much as the weather permits me to. The back country is literally all around me, so I usually take advantage of that fact after work which sometimes results in some good photo opportunities. So, yes, it really is beautiful here. I love it.

:]